Daily Struggles

Missing my sisters

I haven’t really been in contact with my sisters that much, We don’t get together like we use too, Since I moved away from where my family lives, It’s been different, My sister elma lives in garland and my baby sister Nora lives in Florida she has made a brand new life for herself and has all she deserves in life with 2 more kids than what she left with and a great husband, I am proud of her in all she has done and I can’t wait to see her when she comes to visit , she ask me to come visit her in Florida . But , with my job and  bills to pay it’s impossible right now , I would like to visit her there some day, I need to go see my other sister who lives near by soon,she has been sick.  I have to really focus on saving money for a car that is going to be hard since my rent is going up for the next 2 mths this hot summer has the electric bill going up, It’s not just us but it is everybody. I miss my dad too…..when I get me a car i will go visit them more often and try to make amends with my brother since he don’t talk to me and it’s been a year now. Me and my sisters were very close at one time , I hate the fact that we don’t talk anymore. Life changes us in alot of ways and even though we don’t hang out doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk. I love my brothers and sisters  Elma, Alex, Nora, Lupito, Omar, Elizabeth, and most of all my Daddy Lupe

One thing I do miss is hanging out to see my grandson grow up. He has a great mom( my daughter ) Who is the love of his life, I feel it’s more important for her to watch him grow up then for me to always be there we always talk and send pictures back and forth so I always know what’s going on in there life.

This term of words has ALOT  of  meaning ,Actually  It’s the meaning of a condition every woman in this world has premenstrual syndrome . It comes at an early age and for some at a later age , So for nearly 40- 50 yrs it is with us unless some condition in are bodies forces us to have our inside female organs taken away such as , cervical cancer,  infections of our uterus, or some kind of cysts that happen inside of us.

AS we get older in are 40′s or 50′s even 60′s , The body and mind start to feel different, slowly in time I have experience hot flashes during the day and at night , i never rarely get the cramps that come with it like i hear some of my friends complaining about i do have some discomfort in my back , In the last couple of years i have noticed my emotional state being off a little bit with me being sad or angry for no reason just before i start my period , i have racing thoughts , i cry , i get frustrated, now the last year or so , Just before my period or a day or so I get so exhausted , I’m sleepy and just plain tired I feel depressed at work .

This is what i have been told that i am going through is menopause and it can last up to 10yrs before i stop my period and i should be taking hormone medicine for this to control my symptoms. I don’t like the idea of this at all , do I have to see a shrink for my other symptoms , I am  happy , I have energy , I work , I do smoke cigarettes , I do drink ,  I am 42 yrs old , so times i feel a lot on me and just want to scream and tell people to just leave me alone ,  But i do hide a lot of thoughts to myself and not say anything i just have alot of things i figure in my head my way with asking for advice my mind runs on it’s own so when do i seek a professional for my menopause or should I ?  Does having medicine make a big different in my body and my state of mind and my well being , will hormone pills make me feel happier , or make me feel more exhausted , i am scared to find this out , i was told that hormone pills take months to take affect , i don’t have the patience for weeks to go by,  before i feel difference  . Plus I don’t have the medical insurance to go to the doctor or a ob/gyn  to find out how things are down there ? I have had 5 natural birth and my periods have been on time and regular and they my period last 2-4 days then i am just fine so for now I am going  to be more aware of my body and trying to control my P.M.S one P.M.S at a time .